I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
