i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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