ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
