Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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