my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
