I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
