She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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