She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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