quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
