is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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