fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
