do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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