Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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