sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
