I seem to have left my pride at pride
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
