i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
