Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
