when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
