I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
