I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
