In the future we'll all be gay
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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