it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
