Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
