this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
