Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
