cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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