Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
