but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
