Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You smell like stripper and shame
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
