im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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