I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we're so committed to being not committed
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
