You're my little dorito
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
