wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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