Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
