spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
