i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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