It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
