I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
