Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
