Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
