I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wanna go halves on a baby?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I supernannyed him into submission
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
