Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
