As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
