I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
