I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
