"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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