He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
