North Korea, Best Korea!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
