I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
