she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
