the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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