He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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