last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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