i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
